im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
