Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
