I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
