And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
