So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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