Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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