my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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