then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
