so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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