More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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