Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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