you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
