Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
