My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize