why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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