My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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