I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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