; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
