i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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