marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found a bag of teeth...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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