brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You made out with two different species that night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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