dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
