I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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