I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
