Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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