She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
