Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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