sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
