I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
