Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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