nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
