Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
