i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize