Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
