I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
