I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
