We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
