You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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