Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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