Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
