Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
