last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My vagina is officially offended.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
