At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
