Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
