That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
