Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Boobs are out for the taking
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
