and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
