My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
