Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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