I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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