Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
