i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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