dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
