I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
