Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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