Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
