Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
