Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
