hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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