You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
