Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
