Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
