you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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