Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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