Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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