I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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