I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
