I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
