so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nicole vs. Life
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
