dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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