I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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