The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
