Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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