I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
