"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize