Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
