FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize