I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
