please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
