Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
