She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
