Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
