Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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