no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
